Douche Bags With Mics

This next piece was inspired by watching the Olympics on Friday night with my wife and dawg. I was watching, but not really paying attention, I was heating up some leftovers, eating while sitting at the computer, checking up on my Fantasy Baseball Team, you may have heard or read about my team, THE ORIGINAL CURVE CUBS or The OCC,we are riding a 7 week win streak, never heard of The OCC...that's weird. What do ya live in a cave or something?

Anyway I'm watching the games, only not really watching you know, all of the sudden I find myself getting angry. I didn't even realize it at first, but there was anger pumping through my veins, my eyes were forming a scowl and my lips were clinched tight, like when I watch that gay TV show Full House, with that faggot BobSaget (that sounds catchy-Bob Saget-the Full House Faggot, allow me to clarify, sometimes I like to watch Full House to see how long it takes me to become angry, it usually takes somewhere between 3 to 4 minutes, it really just depends on how long it takes for one of those two little Olsen twin whores to make an appearance.

Anyway, I sitting there and it suddenly comes to me why I am getting angry. It was the voice of that little faggot Bob Costas in the background. I turned and looked at the the TV with a feeling of pure hate. It's not that I hate Bob Costas, it's just that I can't stand the sight of him or bear the sound if his voice, its like when I watch him I just want to smash something.

It got me to start thinking of all the TV hosts and announcers out there that I despise. Lets see, there's the easy ones that we all hate like Kathy Lee Gifford, Regis and Geraldo Rivera. But I don't really get too worked up over the likes of them. It's like Bill O'reilly, (I hate Bill O'reilly soo much that if anyone is hurting for cash enough I got fifty bucks guaranteed if they smoke his ass. That's right, I will pay $50.00, that's US dollars, to the one who pulls a Dick Cheny on Bill O'Reilly's face), if I turn the TV on and O'Reilly or Regis is on the Tele, I simply change the channel, the same as if I would if one of those two Olsen whores in on the tube.

The problem I have with Costas is that he is always on a show or an event that I want to watch. So I am FORCED to watch his three foot five ass.Every word from his mouth is delivered in such a way that makes me want to puke. I guess I have made feelings clear about those mentioned above. So, who else? Who else makes me want to merk on shit? Who, like Costas, am I forced to watch?

I love watching baseball. I love to watch the Fox Saturday afternoon games. I also love to watch the All Star Game and the World Series. There is one problem. That problem is Tim MacCarver. Tim fucking MacCarver. What an absolute prick. In the dictionary, next to the word cock, you will find Tim Macarver's face. MacCarver is such an asshole I really don't know where to begin.

Does anyone remember when Deoin Sanders played two sports back in the early 90's? He was playing for the Braves and some NFL team, maybe the Falcons, at the same time. If I am not mistaken it was when the Braves won the World Series. There was Sanders, flying back and forth, in and out with helicopters and shit, it was a big media circus and without a doubt this had to be some kind of distraction to the team. But, hey, maybe it was a good distraction, I mean it was Prime Time after all. Sanders was like TO, it came with the territory, you know ahead of time what your gonna get with these types of flashy, controversial, and yet immensely talented players. MacCarver is one of the announcers for the Series made a point to bring up this distraction during the games and in true MacCarver fashion he would not let it go. He went on and on about how Deion was wrong and he was a distraction and if the Braves lost, Sanders would be partly to blame, and bla,bla,bla,on and on, beating it into the ground. Sanders later dumped a bucket of water on MacCarver's head during the Braves celebration in the locker room, it was great. MacCarver started crying like a little bitch. MacCarver says, in that cocksuck condescending tone of his, "you're a real man Deion"! Sanders should have beat his ass.

If MacCarver could he would take Barbaro with him around Major League ballparks in order to beat his dead body mercilessly right there in the announcers booth. Maybe he can look into getting Barbaro stuffed.

Dan Dierdorf, Joe Theisman, Chris Collinsworth, Tony Cornheiser and mercifully only for a brief period Dennis Miller all come to mind when I think about the sports announcers who I truly despise and yet am forced to endure. Oh yes, how can I forget, Brent Woody Musburger. I could do without any of these douche bags but realize there is no
fighting it, they are here to stay.

I just want to know why, why? How did this happen? Who is in charge and are they watching? How do soo many pricks hold such coveted jobs on the biggest stages of sports? The only logical reason is that the powers that be, the ones who actually fill these positions must be giant douche bags themselves and are bound by some silent douche bag code that forces them to keep all of these cocksuckers on the air.