meg ryans face is fucked

last night I was surfing the tube in vain when I stumbled across some middle aged chick with what looked like a really high tech meg ryan mask. only it was not a mask, it was meg ryans mangled face.

What did you do meg ryan? what did you do to your face? are you happy with it when you look in the mirror? maybe you were in a wreck and your new face is the best they could do? if you had a tragic accident then I am a complete asshole and apologize to you and your loved ones.

if not, if you were not in an accident and simply were trying to hold on to your youth then you are truly fucked. yea, you are fucked. what is wrong with you? what is wrong with people like you? have some dignity. have some self respect. grow old with grace. you were, WERE, a beautiful women. you got old. be thankful that you were lucky enough to be a beautiful women. be thankful that you are alive.

I don't get why women or men have plastic surgery. it is sad, just sad

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https://www.agemni.com/dishstar/dcconnectionservices/security.asp

"land of the free, whoever told you that is your enemy"

Proposition 8 was passed in the last elections here in California. On that very same day the first black president was elected. It is ironic that Prop 8 was passed in the "liberal state" of california, essentially banning gay marriage. I find it ironic that on a day when one minority is elected to the highest office in the world, another minority finds itself stripped of freedom.

I have heard all the arguments. I have heard how the bible says it is wrong to be gay. The bible is not a trump card. The bible was written by man. Anyway, how can being gay be wrong. That implies there is a choice involved in being gay. Is it wrong to be black? Is is wrong to be an orphan or a women? Is it wrong to be born? If people choose to be gay that would mean that we all could be gay if we choose.

Think about it. People who think it is a choice to be gay, must be gay. They are pissed at gay man for flaunting their gay everywhere. Why should gay people enjoy their lives according to the closet gay who lives a lie? Those gay bastards should be miserable like the closet gay who is married to a women.

Look at it this way. If there was a choice to be made that would mean someone would wake up and say, "hmmm, is today the day I suck a cock and take it up the ass." The point is, if your gay, then you are gay. No strait man looks at cock and wants to suck on it. No strait man wants to spoon with another guy. If that is your desire then your are gay.

So if no choice is involved why should gay people be stripped of any rights. If you don't like gay people that is your right. It makes you a small minded bigot, but who am I to judge. When minorities are bigots I find it sad. Where is the empathy? Where is the understanding for another minorities plight?

If gay people want to be married, let them get married. This is supposed to be a free country. What good was it to bomb the shit out of Vietnam for ten years in the name of freedom if two gays can't tie the knot? Its not about if you like it or not or even if you think it is wrong. Its about seperation of church and state. Its about the right to pursue happiness. If one guy makes another guy and and they want to commit to each other and make it leagal, its america, its a free country right, let them do what they want.

If you cannot see this something is seriously wrong with you. Seriousy. You have issues that you need to explore. If you are a minority who has been treated unfairly and you look down on gay people, then shame on you. This is the difference between right and wrong. Gay people are not going anywhere. They are americans first. If an american is denied any rights then something is wrong.

rocco baldeli in da house

how bout that rocco baldeli. plagued by injuries the last 5 seasons and here he is helping the rays win game 2 in the world series. good on ya rocca.

Cub-fortably Numb

Hello, hello, hello,
are there any cub fans out there,
just nod if you can hear me,
are there any cub fans home.

Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling, down.
Well I can ease your pain,
get you on your feet again.

Relax, relax, relax.
I need some information, first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

The
facts are that the Cubs lost again. Nine straight postseason losses. 0
for 9. I have to admit there is a little sting. My lips are shut tight
and I find myself staring blankly into the abyss. One more year. One
more year.

1984 was the first time that I can remember the Cubs
having any kind of an affect upon my mood. Lee Smith gave up a homer to
Steve Garvey. Then it was Will Clark hitting over .600 to beat the Cubs
in 1989. The Braves in '98 I think. Then Bartman in '03.
The D-Backs '07 and today the Dodgers in '08.

It has been quite a ride. An entire season of hope washed away in a three
game sweep. This '08 team was the best team the Cubs have put on the
field since I started caring back in '84. Yet, it was not meant to be.
Little did I know that the Manny deal would directly impact the
brilliant run by the Cubs.

The
Prior game was the low point for me as a Cub fan. I can remember that
dark cloud following me for weeks. As for last year, well, last year
did not hurt that bad at all. As for now, right now there is a dull
feeling in my chest. The fact that theCubbies played so poorly feeds this numbness that I feel or don't feel. Numb.

As a life long Saint fan I have developed the ability to not allow myself to get to
emotionally
involved. Not the I am impervious to the pain of a lost season, it's
just that my skin is a little thicker than before, when I was younger
and more prone to suffering.


So here I am Cub fans, not feeling "Cubby blue". No, no. I am feeling a little Pink, as in Pink Floyd, hiding behind that wall. That wall that gets a little
higher with each year of failure by the Cubs to win the Series. Feeling
a little Cub-fortably Numb. Like The Who says, "we won't get fooled again." But we still do. That is what makes Cubs fans so great. Or not great, maybe it makes us stupid. Maybe we are all suckers.

The one thing we got going for us is that we are loyal and sooner or later that loyalty is going to pay off.

It's Now Official, USC National Champs!!!!!!

That's right, The USC Trojans are the National Champs. It has just been announced the 2008 college football season has been canceled with USC being named National Champs.After two, let me say again TWO wins, USC has been named the best team in the land.

Not only are the USC Cock Wraps, I mean Trojans, the champs this year, it has been decided to cancel the next three seasons with the same result. That's right,
making it four in a row for the Reservoir Tipped Ejaculate Receptacles.
Wow, that makes it 22 BCS titles in just 7 years.


In other news, the SEC has been disbanded for lack of talent. Too many of
these inferior schools have been taking credit for having programs that
can compare to the almighty USC Trojans. The nerve of these "southerners" comparing themselves to THE MEN OF TROY. Who do "they" think "they" are? Achilles.

"I really don't know why we had to play Ohio St. for this to happen, beating Virginia proved that we are the best football team in the history of USC, therefore making this team the greatest team to ever be assembled, ever, including all professional sports teams. This will give me more time to finish my book," says Pete Carroll, the greatest looking, coolest guy ever to do anything in the history of things that
are soo much cooler and better that you would have to be from California or as good looking as Pete Carroll's great hair to even pretend to comprehend.

Pete Carroll's novel, " HOW TO BE THE GREATEST COACH EVER TO GET HIS ASS RUN OUT OF THE NFL AND DOMINATE A PATHETIC FOOTBALL CONFERENCE WHILE HAVING REGGIE BUSH GET CAUGHT BREAKING ALL KINDS OF RULES INVOLVING TAKING HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WITH THE NCAA DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE ABC AND ESPN HAVE SOOOO MUCH INVESTED IN USC GOING TO THE ROSE BOWL OR BCS TITLE GAME THAT THIS KIND OF SCANDAL WOULD COST TOO MUCH $$$$$$ THAT IT IS BETTER TO NEVER MENTION REGGIE BUSH" will be released
sometime in the fall of 2009.

In related news it turns out that the New York Yanks did not win the World Series, ever, in fact it was the 2008 USC Tojans that won every World Series that the Bronx Bombers "claimed" to have won.

Also, it turns out that it was really Mark Sanchez who threw all those TDs for the Green Bay Packers, not Brett Favre.

Crisis In American Cinema

Every once in a while its nice to have HBO. Every so often they show a great movie. Last week while aimlessly channel surfing I stumbled across a true gem, The Bad News Bears. I found this masterpiece 3 minutes before it started. That means I saw the beginning of the this movie for the first time since 1977 or '78, when I first saw the Bears during a sleep over at my best friends house.

So its Saturday night, I had two Crowns in me and the Bad News Bears come on, uninterrupted and uncensored. It was a great moment in my cable surfing history, nothing to watch on the tube and bam, 2 hours of TV bliss. Its like finding The Road Warrior( Mad Max II to the less informed) or The Warriors.

The last few days I have been replaying my favorite scenes over and over in my head. It was all good until I stumbled across something horrible. I wanted to look up my favorite quote from the movie, the "there is a lot of ass at the ball park" line. So I go to the IMDB(InternetMovieDataBase) type in The Bad News and guess what pops up. The Bad News Bears 2005 at the top of the list.

What the fuck? Who in the...what in the... how the fuck did this happen? To me this is an abomination. Who the hell does Billy Bob Thornton think he is? Is he trying to be like Sandler remaking The Longest Yard? What is this crap? I don't get it. There are certain things in life that must remain sacred and pure. Certain movies should not be remade. Just like certain sports teams should never relocate, like the Cubs, Red Sox, Yanks, 49ers, Cowboys, Pakers, Lakers and the Celtics. The list goes on and on, forgive me if I left your team out.

Back to Billy Bob. Billy Bob stick to movies where you play a super human strength, yard tool wielding, murdering retard. That's your wheel house. I love that shit. When you talk in that backward ass Arkansas croker fish retard voice, "I don't reckin I got no reason to kill nobody." That is good shit. Friday Night Lights was a great movie. Your little cameo in Tombstone was outstanding, when you got bitch slapped by Wyatt Earp. You need to stick to roles where the redneck DNA in your genetic makeup can shine through. Now don't go getting any ideas about remaking Deliverance, that movie is on the DO NOT REMAKE list.

I would like to leave all two of my faithful readers with this food for thought. The youth of America will be surfing the tube one day and may stumble upon The Bad News Bears. Only it may not be the real Bad News Bears, it might be this abomination that was made in 05. That kid may think Billy Bob is the real Boilermaker/ Buttercrud. What is to become of our youth? In the dark hours of the night, I lay awake in my bed, tossing and turning, my mind racing or worse yet I'll wake up in a pool of sweat with the fear that my son may be exposed to such a thing. Well, fuck that, not on my watch.

Conference, Schmon-ference. What Up With Conference Loyalty?

I think back to last years BCS game in NOLA and remember seeing LSU fans chanting
"S E C, S E C," at the time I liked it. I got all caught up in the moment. I had half a bottle of Crown in me and I was all jacked-up watching The Tigers work over the Buckeyes. (What the hell is a buckeye anyway?)

The fans chanting must have been inspired by the domination displayed over the Big Ten champs in the title game for the second year in a row. The previous years title game featuring Florida and Ohio St. was no better for the Bucks or the Big Ten.


I really don't remember this conference loyalty and conference pride thing being so in your face the way it is now. When I lived in New Orleans I only hung out with people from New Orleans. We all loved LSU, except for a few loyal Tulane fans who hated LSU. We never cared about conference loyalty or what fans around the country thought. I really don't remember pulling for Auburn or Bama if they played a Pac Ten team. There was no way I could bring myself to pull for Florida. Never could I pull for Florida. Never. We hated all SEC teams, I still hate them and as Sam L Jackson put it "I hope they burn in hell".

Now that LSU is in the hunt for the title game each year rankings mean so much more. So I guess it would make sense for me to hope that the SEC plays well nationally. Only I can't do it. I just can't pull for Georgia or TEE-dork in Florida. I could never, never, never pull for Saban, unless it meant LSU would profit by a Bama victory.

Last week when UCLA beat Tennessee I heard it from some Pac Ten fans the next day. F*## that, I refuse to answer for Tennessee, or any Sec school. My loyalty begins and ends with LSU. My team. Not my conference. My buddy put it best, "why should I pull for Bama or Auburn to do well when every year we have to compete for recruits." It is a great point really, recruiting is dirty down in the south, dirty everywhere really.

So unless it benefits my team directly, I refuse to pull for ANY Sec team. Fuck em all. I will not pull for any Sec school out some sense of conference loyalty. I don't care if Pac Ten fans think the Sec sucks. I don't care what Big Ten fans think. All I want is an Sec title every year. Its simple, if LSU has more wins than any other team in the Sec west, then I get to watch them one more week against a top notch opponent in Atlanta. One more big game to get wasted and piss drunk. A weekend filled with the anticipation and drama that could leave me flying high from a Tiger victory, or so disgusted by defeat, that I drink myself into a state of grace where I will most likely throw up and possibly even shit my pants.

As for this system with the quality of opponents influencing the rankings in order to get a shot at the title, well, that system needs to change. Playoffs. 12 conferences, 12 teams make the playoffs. Win your conference and you are in. No more bitching, no more griping that your team "should have" or "would have" won if they "hadn't been screwed" by the rankings. Players would control their own destiny on the field, between the lines, where champions are meant to be found, not in the rankings of the Sunday night polls. No more writers or has beens deciding who is the best or who gets a chance to be best based on pollsters infinite "wisdom" and grandiose opinions. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.

the riff is really taking off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe the response we are getting here at the riff, I like to think it is due to the great stories my co-riffers are poundindg out.

any who, whats up with these Carl 's jr. and pizza hut commercials? these posh restaurants are filled with a buncha phonies who rant and rave on how good their burger/pasta tastes, and blah, blah, blah. Then all of a sudden the chef comes out to reveal that the burgers/pasta is really from pizza hut or Carl's .

If I ever go to a restaurant, order a meal and find out that I was eating that crap
from either of those two shit holes I would literally shit.

I'm not kidding, crappy food runs through me faster than, faster than, well...faster than something that goes really fast through something else. Anyway, i would be pissed, i'm pissed now just thinking about it.

Viva la Riff.

Douche Bags With Mics

This next piece was inspired by watching the Olympics on Friday night with my wife and dawg. I was watching, but not really paying attention, I was heating up some leftovers, eating while sitting at the computer, checking up on my Fantasy Baseball Team, you may have heard or read about my team, THE ORIGINAL CURVE CUBS or The OCC,we are riding a 7 week win streak, never heard of The OCC...that's weird. What do ya live in a cave or something?

Anyway I'm watching the games, only not really watching you know, all of the sudden I find myself getting angry. I didn't even realize it at first, but there was anger pumping through my veins, my eyes were forming a scowl and my lips were clinched tight, like when I watch that gay TV show Full House, with that faggot BobSaget (that sounds catchy-Bob Saget-the Full House Faggot, allow me to clarify, sometimes I like to watch Full House to see how long it takes me to become angry, it usually takes somewhere between 3 to 4 minutes, it really just depends on how long it takes for one of those two little Olsen twin whores to make an appearance.

Anyway, I sitting there and it suddenly comes to me why I am getting angry. It was the voice of that little faggot Bob Costas in the background. I turned and looked at the the TV with a feeling of pure hate. It's not that I hate Bob Costas, it's just that I can't stand the sight of him or bear the sound if his voice, its like when I watch him I just want to smash something.

It got me to start thinking of all the TV hosts and announcers out there that I despise. Lets see, there's the easy ones that we all hate like Kathy Lee Gifford, Regis and Geraldo Rivera. But I don't really get too worked up over the likes of them. It's like Bill O'reilly, (I hate Bill O'reilly soo much that if anyone is hurting for cash enough I got fifty bucks guaranteed if they smoke his ass. That's right, I will pay $50.00, that's US dollars, to the one who pulls a Dick Cheny on Bill O'Reilly's face), if I turn the TV on and O'Reilly or Regis is on the Tele, I simply change the channel, the same as if I would if one of those two Olsen whores in on the tube.

The problem I have with Costas is that he is always on a show or an event that I want to watch. So I am FORCED to watch his three foot five ass.Every word from his mouth is delivered in such a way that makes me want to puke. I guess I have made feelings clear about those mentioned above. So, who else? Who else makes me want to merk on shit? Who, like Costas, am I forced to watch?

I love watching baseball. I love to watch the Fox Saturday afternoon games. I also love to watch the All Star Game and the World Series. There is one problem. That problem is Tim MacCarver. Tim fucking MacCarver. What an absolute prick. In the dictionary, next to the word cock, you will find Tim Macarver's face. MacCarver is such an asshole I really don't know where to begin.

Does anyone remember when Deoin Sanders played two sports back in the early 90's? He was playing for the Braves and some NFL team, maybe the Falcons, at the same time. If I am not mistaken it was when the Braves won the World Series. There was Sanders, flying back and forth, in and out with helicopters and shit, it was a big media circus and without a doubt this had to be some kind of distraction to the team. But, hey, maybe it was a good distraction, I mean it was Prime Time after all. Sanders was like TO, it came with the territory, you know ahead of time what your gonna get with these types of flashy, controversial, and yet immensely talented players. MacCarver is one of the announcers for the Series made a point to bring up this distraction during the games and in true MacCarver fashion he would not let it go. He went on and on about how Deion was wrong and he was a distraction and if the Braves lost, Sanders would be partly to blame, and bla,bla,bla,on and on, beating it into the ground. Sanders later dumped a bucket of water on MacCarver's head during the Braves celebration in the locker room, it was great. MacCarver started crying like a little bitch. MacCarver says, in that cocksuck condescending tone of his, "you're a real man Deion"! Sanders should have beat his ass.

If MacCarver could he would take Barbaro with him around Major League ballparks in order to beat his dead body mercilessly right there in the announcers booth. Maybe he can look into getting Barbaro stuffed.

Dan Dierdorf, Joe Theisman, Chris Collinsworth, Tony Cornheiser and mercifully only for a brief period Dennis Miller all come to mind when I think about the sports announcers who I truly despise and yet am forced to endure. Oh yes, how can I forget, Brent Woody Musburger. I could do without any of these douche bags but realize there is no
fighting it, they are here to stay.

I just want to know why, why? How did this happen? Who is in charge and are they watching? How do soo many pricks hold such coveted jobs on the biggest stages of sports? The only logical reason is that the powers that be, the ones who actually fill these positions must be giant douche bags themselves and are bound by some silent douche bag code that forces them to keep all of these cocksuckers on the air.

K-rod Gets Booed Wednesday Night By Morons!!! Boozers Get Cut Off By Mounted Agents of the State Before the Yanks Angel Game Sunday Afternoon

K-Rod blows a 2 run lead in the 9th against Seattle Wednesday night and the fans boo his ass. I am all for booing a guy, but when he is on pace for like 314 saves in one season and your team is in 1st place by like 50 games, I am not sure that qualifies as an occasion to boo. (Texierrachera saved K-Rod from getting the loss by jacking one off of JJ Putz in the bottom of the 9th, yes that's right JJ putz of the Kalamazoo Putzeesz)

I am an old school Saints fan, I remember seeing Archie Manning have his jersey torn from his body in what was probably the 52nd time he was sacked during that particular season. If there ever was a team that deserved to be booed it was the "aints". So shut it you spoiled Angel fans and enjoy the ride K-Rod is taking you on this season!

Speaking of the Angels, I was in attendance at Angel Stadium last Sunday to see the Yanks get merked on, I love saying merked on, it's sooo Cali. Before the game some family, friends and myself arrived early to congregate in the parking area for some wine and cheese before the game.Unfortunately the homo bringing the wine and cheese was not able to accompany our gathering due to an incident involving a gerbil, a three year old sheep and bag of gummy worms. So we settled for Miller Lites and beef
jerky.

About 4 and a half beers into the tail-gaiting, mounted police arrived in order to prevent any consumption of alcohol. I remember hearing a sarcastic drunkard,me, yell out contemptuously, "thank god, the police".I could not believe my fucking eyes, these overzealous mounties patrolled up and down the parking lot with the same determination a gay,still waaaaay in the closet, high school coach has while cruising up and down the boys showers during p.e. hoping to sneak a peek at some pre-pubescent balls or an even better cock shot. I went to a Catholic high school, so I've seen it man, its really awkward, especially if you are NOT gay.

We were reduced to pouring our beers into red cups. But the super troopers were on to us and even made some sinners pour their beers onto the ground and wrote some tickets to boot. During one of the prohibitive ride-by's, one of the storm troopers horses dropped a huge, two girls in a cup like pile of shit in the middle of some tailgaters. I think it was a planned attempt to even more ruin what would have been a rather pleasant tailgating experience.

If Angel fans are going to boo anybody they should be booing these Nazi, buzz killing so called peace officers, protect and serve my ass. Whats with Orange County? It's like the Fourth Reich out here,you can't drink at the beach, you can't drink and drive and they litterally shit themselves if you drink while you drive. Like South Parks Eric Cartmen once said, "whats the big fucking deal bitch?" Seriously, whats the point of bombing third world countries in the name of freedom if you can't get wasted and piss all over peoples tires in the parking lot outside of a baseball stadium on a beautiful Sunday afternoon?

Maybe it's me,maybe I should move back to that rat infested city that sits 7 feet below sea level I call home,that's right, NOLA baby, home of the Saints and Mayor Sugar Ray Nagen. New Orleans may be a shit hole but at least you can still get wasted to, during, and while driving home from a Saints game.

How You Like Me Now You Faggoty French Little Bitches!!

(FAGGOT ASS FRENCH FAGGOT CRYING AFTER THE GERMANS
KICKED THEIR ASSES IN
1940>>>>>>>>>>>>IMAGE TO RIGHT)
That's right France, in your faggot ass faces. Get this, the French,the French, were talking shit. The French men's,"French men" anything does not sound right, the French men's swim team said "they would crush" Michael Phelps and the American swim team in the Olympic swim meet on Sunday. Typically, the French then proceeded to loose to the
Americans.

Let me tell you something France, you are not allowed to be talking any kind of shit,got it. WWII was not that long ago. Yeah that's right WWII, I said it, remember the war where Germany flanked your entire obsolete defense system, the "Maginot line", in like twenty minutes, I am not joking, seriously, France fell in like twenty minutes to the Germans, it was like the Michael Spinx vs. Mike "I'll eat your babies" Tyson fight, that fight lasted like 49 seconds.

So why is the door mat of Europe, faggot ass France, hating on Americans so much? This is why the French hate Americans so much, and the Germans as well. When France's pathetic excuse for an army fell to the Germans back in 1940 it marked the beginning of an occupation by the Germans that would last until Matt Damon and Tom Hanks would begin the liberation of Faggot Ass France(AKA FAF)on June 6, 1944, as depicted in the movie, "Saving Good Will Hunting". The most famous scene is when Matt Damon's character is macking on some faggot ass french dude's chick outside some Paris bar. Damon's all like, "hey Frenchy, do you like apples? And Faggot ass frenchy is like, in his little faggoty assed french voice, "Wie, I like apples", and then Matt Damon's like, "how do you like them apples" or maybe it was grapes, it was some kind of fruit. You see fruit was like a metaphore on how much of a faggot the french dude was or something.

You see what happened in France, and I'll try and be as polite as possible, was a fuck fest between French women and the German Army. Any adult French male during these years of occupation was stripped of all manhood by the German army. Any Frenchmen with any balls or pride, there were like 60 I think,fled, that's right fled like a bucha bitches, off to join up with the English and Americans to fight the Germans.I am not making this shit up, it really did happen this way, go to a library or wikipedia and look it up.

So during this time of occupation French women were like "our men are a bunch of bitches so lets fuck the German guys", the French women needed a little action, they wanted to get some dick (its common knowledge that French men would rather fuck with their faces then fight). I mean think about it, a bunch of young, horny Germans are kicking it in the most romantic city in the world, Paris, one thing leads to another and bam, you got 100,000 little half German half French bastards popping out 9 months later.

Then come the Americans, I should say, then cum the Americans, with their chocolate bars and silk stockings, feeling all strong, getting all liquored up,nailing every French broad in sight. It didn't take much I bet, it was like ladies night. Think about it, Germany is losing the war, so the party was over in FAF, all the young German guys were sent to the eastern front to fight the Russians. All that was left of the German army in France were the limp dick old men and faggot ass French dudes. So blam, here come the American boys raring to go, and most of the Americans were stuck in England for like 2 years getting ready for the invasion of FAF. Think about it, besides Elizbeth Hurley have you ever seen any hot English chicks? For the American GIs it was on, let the fucking begin. By the time the Americans liberated Paris there must have been 150,000 French women knocked up by the American GIs.

It's like that movie Parenthood when the kid goes and smashes up his dads office because his dad abandoned him. Yeah, the kids all quiet and creepy,lurking around the whole movie, because he's pissed off that his dad is not around, his dad has a new family, with a hotter wife and better kids.That's pretty much what happened in France back in 1946, when all the American GI's went home. You see it was like this, these guys, the American GIs, were just getting whatever action they could, they were at war, for all they knew they might be killed at any moment. They were not looking long term, they just wanted some pussy before they died.

So its 1946, you got like 250,000 bastard kids hanging around with their American fathers all back in the USA. The half Geman bastards are pissed at the Americans because it was the Americans who most likely killed their Nazi dads. You see, these half Nazi bastards still wanted their German dads because even though they were evil Nazis, at least they were men, all they had left to raise them were the Faggot Ass French Pussy so-called men(half men more like, fucking faggots) So these half American/ half Nazi bastards grow to hate America, because all they see are these weak French men left to raise them. It was an unfortunate thing really, you can't blame GI's for getting what very well could have been the last piece of ass in their lives. What about the French women? You can't blame them for being whores, because thats what French women are, whores. It's not a nice thing to say I know, but it's true.


And think of how pissed off the French men are. All the women they have to choose from come with the left over baggage of not one but two conquering armies. Again, I'll try to be as polite as possible, but the French men are left with sloppy thirds.

So, there you have it. Its all true. These are facts. Its kinda like from that scene in the most underrated movie in history, True Romance, with Dennis Hopper and Chris Walken, right before Walken shoots Hopper in the head, Hopper's character says, "if its a fact, am I lying?" If you have not seen this movie stop whatever you are doing, cancel all plans and see this movie, you will not regret it.

Think about it you French faggots, your great grandmother, fucked a Nazi, had a little half Nazi kid,then 4 years later, your grandmother, with a half Nazi bastard kid at home, fucked an American GI, had another bastard kid, giving her two bastard kids for your faggot ass French grandfather to raise. The Mike Sterling(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings) says, if that's a fact, am I lying?

The Riff Needs to Shake Things Up!!!

The Mike Sterling senses that THE RIFF is slowly dying. So allow Mike Sterling to shake things up with a couple of questions.

First, has anyone noticed that the USA is still at war? I know Favre
coming back is big news and all, so its easy to forget that thousands
of Americans are still fighting a war with no end in sight. Thank God
that the Almighty US Congress went after steroids in the Majors and all of those ball players who took steroids and "lied" about it. Can you
imagine, baseball players had the audacity to "lie" to Congress? How
dare anyone lie to Congress? I think its funny that people get so upset
about that, like congressmen don't lie everyday.In fact,to even
become a congressmen,they pretty much have to lie everyday of their phony lives.

Second, what is going on down in Guantanamo Bay,Cuba? I keep hearing how people are being held down there without being charged with any crimes. Look, I really don't know shit OK. I don't know what is true or what is bullshit, so I am not saying people are being held without being charged, all I am saying is that I keep hearing this over and over. But, if it is true, is that legal? Is the right to a fair trial listed in the Bill of Rights? I think it is, but most of the memory space in my brain is devoted to sports trivia and movie lines, so I could be
mistaken.

Third, I keep hearing, "We need to fight them over there so we don't need to fight them over here." What does that mean? Fight who, over where? AlQaeda in Afghanistan? Are we still fighting them? Is that why we dropped more bombs on Vietnam than were
dropped during all of WWII? We were going to stop communism in southeast Asia so we would not have to stop it here in America. So, 4 million Vietnamese were killed in the Great American Crusade to stop the spread of Communism.
Meanwhile, Fidel "The Beard" Castro set up a communist government 90 miles off the coast of Florida. Cuba seems a little closer to "here" than Vietnam does. Now we are fighting a war in Iraq, so how many Iraqis will have to die during America's latest crusade, The Crusade Against Terror? How many Iraqis have died so far? How many
Iraqis have had their doors kicked in without a search warrant? Another Bill Of Rights violation, or do the Bill of Rights only count in America?

So why is The Mike Stering(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings)writing about Cuba, Vietnam and Iraq and the Bill of Rights? Why is he not writing about college football or Jeff Smarrgyganhana's great pitching with the (1st place, best team in the National League, over 20 games over 500) Cubbies? Why? Why indeed. I will tell you why, that is how The Mike Sterling(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings) do.

Thats right, THE MIKE STERLING(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings) will do this from time to time. He be droppin shit from all over the mutha fukin joint. One minute he like damn and shit and the next he might blast a little "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse", a bit from WillyShake's Richard III.

All THE MIKE STERLING(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings)
is trying to do is leave a little food for thought for his readers. We
get so wrapped up in our little lives here in the safe old USA, that we
forget what is going on around the world. So maybe we as Americans should ask some questions. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. Stupid people.

THE MIKE STERLING(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings) will leave you with a little quote from the Martin Scorsese instant classic, THE DEPARTED.
Uncle Ed: You always have to question everything, don't you?
Billy Costigan: Maybe it would have done you some good to have some *questions* from time to time, you know? "Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" I mean, those are questions, right? "Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?"

At Close Range

Has anyone seen this dark movie about Americana White Trash? The Mike Sterling(Of The Marina Del Rey Sterlings), not to be confused with the Corona Del Mar or the Kennybunk Port Maine Sterlings, would love to hear feed back regarding his Movie Of The Week Pick.

FAVRE FAVRE FAVRE!!!!!

Favre, favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre! Favre farve,"favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre". Favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre? Favre.

Favre, favre favre favre favre favre; favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre, "favre favre favre favre favre" favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre (favre favre favre favre favre) favre favre; favre/favre favre favre favre favre favre favre' favre favre favre favre. Favre? Favre%!!!!!!

Favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre. Favre, favre favre favre favre favre; favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre favre, "favre favre favre favre favre" favre!!!

Favre..............................................

Favre to the jets!!!!

thank god it is over,now we can focus on tony homo and t.o.

favre will go on to a 7 win season, aaron rogers will win 7 games(career).... and tony homo and T.O. will live happily ever after....bla, bla, bla...2 girls and a cup...puke!!!

Manny Woood

Manny Ramirez is heading to the Dodgers.The Dodgers agreed today to acquire the talented but troubled slugger from the Boston Red Sox, two sources speaking anonymously because the club had not yet announced the deal told The Times. Ramirez waived his no-trade clause in order to complete the trade, a source confirmed.

Fuuuck my worst nightmare came true now maybe my dumb ass cousin who Manny asked out on a date might actually marry this guy now that he is in L A who knows. But is this the best thing for Manny and his antics who knows? Will Hollywood embrace his actions or rebel who knows ?What I do know is that there is 4 trillion Ramirezes in LA Cha ching jersey sales .hahah Whats your opinion?

Comic duo Cheech and Chong reform

Cheech (r) and Chong played bumbling 'stoners' in their films
Comedy duo Cheech and Chong, who made a series of films and albums in the 1970s and 80s, are set to tour again more than 20 years after they split.
The pair, whose routines were based on the hippie era and its associated free love and drug culture, will kick off the Light Up America tour in September.
The US comedians said they decided to reform because neither of them "are getting any younger".
Cheech, 62, and Chong, 70, won a Grammy award for best comedy album in 1973.

Drug-addled hippie
They starred in eight comedy films, invariably playing a pair of bumbling "potheads".
The pair, who split in 1987 due to creative differences, told reporters in Los Angeles that they had "kind of resolved" their "veiled hatred".

They decided that reuniting for a comedy tour would be "the most fun" and "the least hassle".
After their split, the two comedians embarked on solo careers, with Cheech Marin performing voice work for a number of films including The Lion King.

Tommy Chong became best known for playing drug-addled hippie Leo in sitcom That 70s Show.
In 2003 he was jailed for nine months for selling drug paraphernalia over the internet.
During the trial he admitted to having a marijuana problem.

It's about time these guys get a clue .

THE MIKE STERLING is finally a legit member of the riff

Kobe who???

Paul Pierce says he's the best player in the worldBy J.E. Skeets Finals MVP Paul Pierce, who recently spent three days at a ball camp in Madrid, is making, ahem, news about what he said to a Spanish reporter. The money translation, via RedsArmy: "Q: Is Kobe really the best player in the world? Pierce: I don't think Kobe is the best player. I'm the best player. There's a line that separates having confidence and being conceited. I don't cross that line but I have a lot of confidence in myself." Surprisingly, Spurs fans seem more upset by this than actual Lakers fans. (Update: OK, Lakers Nation is pretty upset, too.)

Finally someone speaks out about being better than Kobe . Hey man this guy earned the right he took over in the finals and did what he had to do in the finals be a team player be a leader during the entire play offs .There was no way this guy was going to walk off the court without a ring . And in my opinion Kobe did not show up when he was needed and his team didnt show up either case closed anyone can show up when the game isnt on the line during the season . KOBE ,STEVE NASH . But when the game is on the line and the ring is at steak you have to show up . Paul did Kobe did not . Paul has the right to say he is the best player in the world case closed.

I GO AGAINST THE GRAIN...

Its hard to be a Clipper fan. I love em to death but the shit is hard. Especially when you live in Southern California, the land of purple of gold. Been in southern Cali all my life and i was taught to hate the Lakers at a young age. You see pops was a Larry Legend fan and i was instantly enchanted by Jordan the first time i saw him play. I grew up in the middle of the Showtime era In LOS ANGELES Los Angeles where no other team but the Lakers exist as far as the natives are concerned.

I was introduced to Clippers around 1990 when bitch ass first round draft pick Danny Ferry declined to play for the Clips and took his underachieving ass to Italy before coming back and a year later forcing a trade to the Cavs, who gave us Ron Harper. At the tender age of 9 i really had no idea what kind of franchise i would be backing. Had no idea that my team was in the middle of 10 straight years of 50 or more losses. Had not one clue that to that point the Clips had failed to make the playoffs every year since moving to Los Angeles. Didn't have a hint that this was a team that had traded away Terry Cummings, Rickey Pierce, and Craig Hodges for Marques Johnson, Junior Bridgeman, and Harvey Catchings (who the fuck...).

We are the face of mediocrity. We've had 3 playoff seasons in 24 years. The Los Angeles Clippers franchise's history is highlighted by a SECOND ROUND appearance in 2006 (fuck you Raja Bell). I think about these things and a few questions come to mind:

How the fuck is Elgin Baylor still our GM? He's been our GM for 22 fu**ing years! Does anyone else find it odd that he's been at the Draft Lottery Table 19 out of 22 years? Did Elgin save Donald Sterling from a blazing fire in a past life and then did Mr. Sterling (Donald, not Mike) pledge his undying devotion to him? Unbeli...and can we please change those outdated, cursive writing, we dress like we're gonna lose uniforms already? Shit man, just talking about this makes my blood boil.

No other sports fans know what we go through. Literally, no one. Maybe Montreal Expos fan...and Arizona Cardinal fan (they'll never win anything). To stay loyal to a team in a city where your team will always be second fiddle takes unmeasurable discipline. Maybe your mind wanders to a team like the Chicago White Sox or NY Mets or even the New York Jets. Its got to be hard on those fans, knowing that whatever happens the Cubs, Yanks, and NY Football Giants will always rule those respective cities.

But even those fans have tasted success that I've only imagined about. The Sox won it in '05, the Mets were amazing in 1986, and before he was getting sauced up and hitting on Suzy Kolber on national TV(I wanna kiss you right now!), Broadway Joe guaranteed his Jets to a Super Bowl win. What does Clipper Nation have? Fuckin Keith Closs and Michael Olowakandi.


What makes me most upset is how Laker fans don't take us seriously. Ask a Laker fan about the Clippers and they don't hate us. They say shit like "the Clippers are cool, i kind of root for them since they're an LA team." Don't patronize me you spoiled sons of bitches...its like the Clippers are this cute 5th grade basketball team that everyone reeeeaaaally hopes does well. We're not even good enough to be hated back. Im a simple man. I have modest dreams. One of them is for the Clippers to be consistently good enough to be hated by Laker fans everywhere.


With all that being said i bleed red, white and blue. Names like Bo Kimble, Danny Manning, Ron Harper, Mark Jackson, Loy Vaught, Gary Grant, Ken Norman and Stanley Roberts bring a smile to my little face. Maybe I'm addicted to that agonizing feeling of pain and disappointment or maybe my loyalty and patience will be rewarded someday. Either way if you're a bandwagon fan you have no idea what I'm talking about and you should dive head first into helicopter propellers while the helicopter is lifting off. You're less than nothing and i hate everything you stand for.


Looking ahead to the 2008-09 season I feel overcomed by genuine optimism. Elton Brand's departure hurt like a K-Rod fastball right to the testicle. Maggettee can kick rocks, I'm glad he's finally gone. Getting Marcus Camby is huge, really softens the blow of losing Brand. Rickey Davis just adds depth and firepower off the bench. Eric Gordon is gonna be special, straight up. Thorton's gonna be just nasty in his 2ND year and the prodigal son has returned home. Baron effing Davis is our point guard. It feels so good to type that!!!


Here's to the Clips making some noise this year in the Pacific Division.


Clipper Nation!

Controversy of the week 2

Who is HOTTER Ursula Mayes or Jessica Alba ? This seems to be a topic that no one can find an answer to so someone put this question to rest.

Varganator

ps my Wack cousin says this chick is hotter than all these bitches lucious liz someone take the hini out his hands and take the pills out his mouth .pss he's a saints fan...

"If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? I would," Harry Carey.

"...and here comes the three two offering, strike three. Wow, Zambrano is still standing in the batters box in disbelief at that last call, he sure would love that call when he's on the mound. Oh boy, here comes Lou out of the Cub's dugout and he does not look very happy... wait a minute...whats this? A fan is out on the field running towards home plate, no that's not a fan that's new Cubs owner Mark Cuban..."

Get ready baseball fans, this could be a recurring scene at Wrigley if Cuban is allowed ownership of the Cubs. I say allowed because I doubt baseball owners would allow this nouveau riche to join their exclusive club. After all they did kick out one of their own, former Reds owner Marge Schott. (Marge Schott once said, "everyone knows Hitler was good at the start, he just went crazy in the end." Yeah, 6 million dead Jews later, crazy)

Who are these owners anyway, do they represent The New World Order or something? Are they the ones responsible for killing JFK because he didn't want Hank Aaron to load, wash and ride in the back of the team bus? Did they shoot a missile at The Pentagon on 9/11 because DC would not build a new stadium for the Nationals?

Did they plant the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq so the US would go to war to distract America from the steroid scandal?

Who knows? This Cub fan says let Cuban buy the Cubs, and while your at it let the Cuban players come and go as they please Mr. Castro.

Post By THE MIKE STERLING (OF THE MARINA DEL REY STERLINGS)

Who is Mike Sterling?

Who the fuck is Mike Sterling? To most American people the name Mike Sterling sounds like a Rapist /Baby Rapper/Wife Beater/Masked murderer. Mike Sterling is not any of these... at least that's what he says . He is not just a man, he is a god . His favorite beverage is old spice . His hair makes Patrick swazie's hair look like a hobo's . He's so gangsta he ripped off Wade Boggs mustache and pasted it on his own face . He is so raw when a girl asked if he could buy her a drink, he replied "My own daddy don't buy my momma a drink."

"Michael Winthorpe Sterling III is a representation of America's elite, a blue blood if you will. Mike's father was in the war, an officer of course, a favorite topic of conversation which Mike shares with his fellow chums at The Club sipping brandy or Louie XIV while smoking Davidoff cigarettes out of his Sterling Silver cigarette extender. His passion for sports and conversation are only matched by his razor sharp wit and charm. Women cannot take their eyes off him and find themselves captivated by each and every word that falls from his lips, " as said by Michael W Sterling III when asked about who really was behind the words that grace this fascinating blog.

KEEP IT RIDING DIRTY

Dirty30 is Washington Redskin safety, and former All American out of LSU, LaRon Landry, AKA LL-DrrTay, AKA LL-ThrrTay. When #30 is on the field it does not take long for him to make his presence felt, just ask Brodie Croyle or John Parker Wilson or Plexi-Glass Burress. Landry started for the 2003 National Champion LSU Tigers, played four impressive years there and was drafted as the sixth overall pick by the Redskins.

In his first preseason game against the Titans, Landry introduced himself("Dirty Thirty Style") to the Titans quarterback. His entire football career is filled with violent collisions. To some this may be seen as dirty, meaning cheap. To others, myself included, I see it as hard nosed football. I say it is the job of the safety to inflict damage to the offense. The opposing receivers can not be allowed to run free in the secondary. They need to know, deep down in their hearts that "The Dirty Thirty" is out there, waiting, lurking like an ominous cloud on the horizon.

Quarterbacks need to know that at any time they might taste the bone crushing hit from D-30, its not if, but when will the hit take place. Safeties are the enforcers, they are the hit men, players like Ronnie Lott, who may be the best safety ever, Jack Tatum, who might be the most dirty player ever, John Lynch, Roy Williams and Bob Sanders who uses his body like a hit seeking missile. All of these players walk that fine line that separates a hard nosed football player and cheap shot specialist.

Perhaps the most notorious safety in the last 20 years to have a rep of taking cheap shots is former Eagle safety Andre Waters, AKA "Dirty Waters". After hitting quarterback Jim(Chris) Everett, the NFL made it illegal to hit QBs below the waste while in the pocket; the unofficially named Andre Waters Rule.

So what constitutes a dirty hit? What makes a player dirty? Is it malice or intent that makes a player dirty? These guys are paid to hit, they are programmed to destroy the opposition. As mentioned before, it is the job of the safety to establish a presence of fear in a league where fear is not accepted or admitted. Call it fear, doubt, concern or self preservation, the opposing receivers will run wild if this presence is not enforced. The job of the offense is to score points. They will run up the score if they are allowed to every time, with no mercy. The offense would pound the ball down the defences' throat and score 50 points a game if allowed. Yards allowed per game and points allowed per game is how a defense is rated.

From high school football, to college football, to the NFL if a defence is abused on the field the week before they pay for it the very next week. They pay in practice, where they are run into the ground by angry coaches who are in fear of losing their jobs. Defenders are yelled and screamed at until something gives. Either the player decides football is too rough and they go play baseball or soccer, or, or a chip on their shoulder develops and they realize the only way to survive in football is to have the ability inflict punishment on the opposition or the ability to take all the punishment the opposition gives. It is hit or be hit. For a defender his job is to stop the offense. To win in football a defender must destroy the offenses ability to move the ball.

So where does a defender draw the line. Some players like Dirty 30 live on that line. That line is where they play the game. "The hit" is how players like Landry and Lott get paid. That line defines them and separates them from the rest. Defense wins championships. The safety is the last line of defense. That is why the safety plays the way he does. If the safety gets beat the offense usually scores. Every safety knows his responsibility, they carry this load every time they step on the field. With every bone crushing hit delivered the weight of that load diminishes.

In the end a player is not defined as dirty, in the end a player is perceived to be dirty. Perception is in the eye of the beholder. I say this is one of those deals where it depends on where the player in question plays or played, in other words if his momma call him Clay, I'm a gonna call him Clay.

Woa, where did that come from? In others words, if the player in question, "Dirty 30" for example, is on my team, I say he is NOT dirty, he is just a badass. BUUUT, if D-30 was from, I don't know maybe from hated Auburn or Alabama, I would say he was dirty as all hell. BUUUT, he is not from either of those ####ing schools, he happens to be a LSU Tiger, so ##** you if you think he's dirty.

POSTED BY THE MIKE STERLING (OF THE KENNY BUNKPORT MAINE STERLINGS)

FROM POP TO HEX TO COUNTRY???

TONY HOMO’S Hex girlfriend JESSICA SIMPSON is completely insane. Apparently she has written a country music song for her man TONY HOMO called, YOU’RE MY SUNDAY. And she has also announced she is no longer a retarded pop star, she is now a retarded country star.

Is that legal? Can you do that, change from a bone smuggling pop star to a country music singer? Maybe JERRY JONES had something to do with this. I mean JERRY JONES aka LEX LUTHER aka BIG BABY JESUS .Is the GODFATHER. I mean JERRY JONES is such a “G” he could talk mother TERESA into being a prostitute in hell.

And I am pretty sure in JERRY JONES ‘S wildest coked out dreams, he could have wished this scenario before last year’s playoff’s. He would have changed JESSICA’S career to a useless country singer a long time ago. Instead she is now known as the Dallas Hex job.

Think about it, TONY HOMO wouldn’t have met her, she would have been playing the loose moose parking lot, and he would never have blown the biggest game of his life due to the JESSICA SIMPSON HEX. After that loss I am positive the only thing that was on JERRY JONES’S mind was erase JESSICA SIMPSON off the earth.

SOOOO did JERRY JONES work out this master plan to convert JESSICA SIMPSONS to be country music loser? I doubt it, but maybe in his sick mind this move is a dream come true and is the best scenario for JERRY, his fans and his star QB.

The way I see it best case scenario, JESSICA SIMPSON will ruin her pointless career with her retarded country pop music. .TONY HOMO will move on and dump this bitch and probably date my sister. And who knows maybe by next play off time, HOMO won’t show up with that hex in a pink jersey. And Dallas might actually win a playoff game.

So in conclusion, If HOMO is still dating JESSICA by the next playoffs. Don’t be surprised if the Dallas police department and their owner JERRY JONES .Find JESSICA SIMPSON in a dumpster, wearing a pink TONY HOMO jersey, missing her legs, with her face shoved up her ass. And a note attached to her saying LACES OUT!!! Don’t say I didn’t warn you America .JERRY JONES don’t play, he owns the mafia TRUUUST ME.

Varganator

Why Do Women Insist on Playing Sports?...

Good day to readers everywhere. With this being my first official post, i wanted to formally greet everyone who graces us with their presence.

That being said, lets jump right into it... I come home yesterday from a long, hard day's work and grab myself a cold refreshment. Naturally within seconds i turn on the T.V. and quickly turn it to ESPNNEWS and to my surprise i see highlights (if you want to call it that) of a "fight" between the L.A Sparks and Detroit Shock. Who? You ask. Well, the Sparks and Shock are two professional women franchises in the WNBA.

Can we put an end to this already? What are we trying prove? Who in their right mind watches the WNBA? Who watches ANY women's sports? Look, women...i get it, ok? I get that whole "we can do anything that men can do" attitude that you so proudly portray to anyone that will listen but cmon, lets all be real with ourselves.

That "fight" yesterday was the most attention i've ever seen the WNBA get. Straight up. You sure as hell wont see that much attention given to them for their play. Have you ever seen a game? It's a circus spectacle highlighted by turnovers, missed shots, fouls, and just plain awkward basketball. Even during the WNBA Finals, there's a reason they dont show those highlights until after Baseball, Pre-season Football, Pre-season NBA, Golf, Nascar, Track and Field, Badminton, Cricket, so on and so on because NOBODY CARES!

That goes for all sports but im willing to make an exception for Tennis and Golf. Some of those girls can play. But thats it. Diana Taurasi can play. Candice Parker might post me up because she's 8'4". But that is absolutely it. You could literally assemble the best women basketball players in the world and theyre not fucking with my Monday night team. Straight up.

They dont help themselves either. Have you ever seen those WNBA commercials they run trying to promote the league? They have some of the "big names" use the sarcastic approach. Candice Parker has a commercial where she's saying "im sorry, but you couldnt pay me to watch womens basketball" followed by "nothing exciting ever happens" and she finishes by saying "what kind of future does that league have? None that i could see." All the while showing women shooting LAYUPS and shooting the most basic of jumpers, as if that's supposed to prove that the league IS exciting. The nerve of these b...... you see, they figured the product of women's basketball is so good that they could try and use the old reverse psychology route.

Who in god's green earth approved that idea? Jesus, talk about making it easy for the millions of critics and doubters around the world to continue to critisize and doubt the WNBA.

Every guy knows what im talking about...youre at your local park or gym with some friends playing basketball, winning games, feeling good. All of a sudden the next team comes on the court and you see a girl warming up, shooting with that extra small ball, pony tail, sleeves rolled up to her shoulders, cleaning the bottom of her shoes with her palms and you think to yourself..."great."

Now for the duration of that game whoever is guarding her is forced to play at half speed. It's like 9 guys now have to cater around Susie Shoots ALot because she feels she can run with the fellas. Pisses me off. Go away. You're not good. Go away.

In conclusion i have an idea on how to cut the crime in this country by 50%. When someone commits a crime, they should be ordered to watch the Women's NIT Basketball Tournament, Women's NCAA Basketball Tournament, Women's Pre-season WNBA, or a WNBA regular season game. Depending on the severity of the crime, they should be ordered to watch these catastrophies. For example, a carpool violation should watch a WNBA game, maybe a thief should watch the Women's NCAA Tournament, a murderer definitely would get the Women's NIT and so on and so on. I guarantee the next time "Joker"or "Gizmo"decide to ride on someone theyll think twice before they act.

Look, im not a sexist. Women are beautiful, passionate creatures and they bring a lot to the table. Basketball's just not one of them.

Clipper Nation!!!

AUDRINA PATRIDGE ??? Who the fuck is this bitch and why do I know her name?

I cannot believe I know this chick’s name, let alone care who the fuck she is. This chick is just another cock chew chick that makes too much money for no reason. I mean I could see if this chick had some major ass and some major tits and actually had some type of talent. But the fact that this bitch looks like DOLPH LUNDGREN / HELLBOY makes this bitch as useless as a nun’s cunt.

Honestly, if you live in a cock slap state and everyone looks like Dennis Eckersley and you never get to see real hot chicks, I can understand why you jack off to this chick all night long and care about her life. BUUUUT , I live in CALIFORNIA and this bitch isn’t shit. She looks like PETER FRAMPTON on a cock binge. Trust me a girl like this in California is a dime a dozen and they are all looking for a rich guy with an American Idol make over and a gay name like Mitch /Conner /Cody/ Skyler /Dakota /Taylor/Apple/ or PEREZ HILTON. That profile and names equals Prince Charming for a slut like this.

And who the fuck pays this bitch to show up to a club? They actually pay this bitch $5,000 just to show the fuck up and drink at their wack ass club. I mean for that price this bitch better be on her knees at the door passing out free blow jobs. Anyone standing in front of the line trying to get a glimpse or a picture of this bitch is a complete waste of skin and is most likely a bigger cock slap than her .

SO MY FINAL QUESTION IS WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL? WHY THE FUCK DO I KNOW HER NAME? UNTIL SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME A LEGITIMATE ANSWER, I SAY GO FUCK YOUR SELF AUDRINA PATRIDGE !!!

Controversy of the week

Let me ask you a question. Are you tired of a co-workers /friends making outrageous opinions or statements? Is he/she talking shit or giving way to many props to a favorite player/team/actor/actress/movie/etc? Do you feel that they have no clue what they are talking about? Well my friends your dream has come true. This is your chance to take no prisoners and to have an open floor with your controversial question and resolve the controversy once and for all. Post your controversy and your argument and we can all duke it out mano e mano right here on the Riff Rough Draft!!!

Now I wanted to bring up a topic a slap dick co –worker of mine will not stop ranting about. And I wanted to share it on the blog with the riff ruff wryders/you to see what your opinions are on this topic.

The question is:
Which LT would you select to be your franchise player with the #1 draft pick and why?
Ladanian Tomlinson or Lawrence Taylor

#56

Rampage Ridin Dirty

Hooooly shit America, rampage is arrested riding dirty. Noo! you don’t say! I can’t believe it! You mean a guy that hooowls at the moon every 3 steps and wears a boat chain around his neck has mental problems?

This guy was arrested for a hit in run involving two cars, driving on the wrong side of the road and driving on the sidewalk. Don’t get me wrong any cock face that drives like that with a life size poster on the side of his car, trying to outrun the cops deserves to get shot in the face. Personally I would have arrested the guy based off the gayness of the life size self portrait/poster on the side of his truck. But this incident reminded me of some of our favorite teen sluts.

These crimes Rampage Jackson was arrested for, is mere child’s play compared to the bull shit Paris cockslap Hilton, Britney fuck face Spears and Lindsey cock chew Lohan get away with. I mean those chicks daily run over people, crash into cars all while snorting coke off a boyfriends dick . And they get away with these crimes everyday. Even when the cops do pull the dicks out their mouths, they send these sluts to rehab or jail and they release them home the same day. Is this justice? So I ask America, am I the only person in the world that thinks these chicks should die? And I say we have rampage run these bitches over with his truck and let the paramedics sort them out. That way we can move on to the next future rehab slut Hannah Montana. Peace

Varganator

Mayockisms

Some of you might know who Mike Mayock is. Mayock is a former NFL player and a frequent analyst on the popular NFL network. And he is a legend in my book. I enjoy every word this guy says. Not only is he on top of his game on prediction of the NFL draft and his evaluation of rookies. (He is one of the few that totally calls the Raiders Mcfadden a character risk- hahaha, anyone who says that is a legend in my book) What I love most about this guy is that he not only teaches me about football, he is also preaching to me about life(Relationships). Yes, relationships.
Let me explain. Mike has tons of analogies for the game. Here are some Mayockisms we often use when it comes to describing relationships and women to each other.

1. The Franchise.

The franchise is you, yourself. You pick the players/person in your life and we are always looking for the bigger faster/sexiest sweetest) person we can find that fits our system/life. As the franchise, we are looking for either a long term player/person or a bunch of free agents/hoes/fluzzyz bitches/whores... you get the idea- That we can do the famous ritual the Four F’S to: find, feel, fuck and forget.

You are the franchise. You choose what you want in life. Steady and stable or up and down roller coaster. It’s your life. It’s your franchise.

2. Franchise Player.

Mike uses this term for a lock it up- tj huzurmomma. This is a top ten pick(player/person) for your franchise/yourself. In life most men and woman are looking for that franchise player, that person that will be perfect for you. The person that makes all the right plays(sex/good decisions). This is the person you build your franchise/self around. They are the person that is going to win the super bowl(marriage) for you. The person you picture yourself standing next to on that podium. Hoistin' up a superbowl trophy and trying on your new super bowl ring/wedding ring.

3. Upside

Upside means that a certain player/person has a lot of potential. But not at the present time. They are viewed as a future potential pro-bowler. They may either be overweight or nerdy or just has a small flaw that is holding them up from being a franchise player. I would say a player/person who has upside could flip flop either way. You could end up with a Tom Brady on your hands and be a for-sure hall of famer. Or a total Ryan Leaf bust on your hands. It could go either way and it could be very messy. Especially if the person/player never lives up to the full potential and you have a lot of time and money invested in this individual. Choose wisely.

For example: Hey, that chick you are dating, isn’t she a little bit chubby? Answer: Yes, but I have her on the Varganator weight training program. She has a lot of upside if she loses weight, she will go from a zero to a hero. (Based on a True Story)

4. High motor guy.

Mike uses this term for a player/person that is in excellent condition and also has the ability to make the big play/sex) every single time they are in the game/relationship. They may not be the best player on the field but you know they are bringing 110% (She's the one that has that smoken hot body but maybe she has a hook nose, and a couple of snaggle teeth and a lazy eye). We use it as a term for players/person that is excellent in the sack a player/person that always wants sex and always knows how to rock your socks but just doesn't have that natural talent (looks) to be a hall of fame player. A high motor player/person can go a couple extra rounds though and is a person who can take you deep into overtime. They are the players/person that love going the extra mile. While most players are burned out by half time, your player/person is the energizer bunny. Every franchise she have a high motor player/person.

5. Off the Field/Character issues:

Mike uses this term for a player/person who has issues unrelated to the sports that could effect the franchise(you). These actions are related to family issues, kid issues, bad behavior, drugs and Alcohol. Anything that has to do with lack of focus and actions that cause the Franchise/you problems. Of course any person that has these issues are always a high risk for your Franchise. And of course no one wants to deal with these problems especially when there are so many free agents/singles and new rookies coming out every year into the market/world .

For example: Wow, your girl has 6 kids, and the babies daddy is getting out of jail next week? Looks like she has a lot of off the field issues. I know you met her at the Loose Moose and she had a nice college career playing JuCo ball but there is no way she is gonna make the 53 man roster. But hey if you want to put her on your developmental/practice squad thats your decision. Just don't say I didn't warn you when she is on the news busted for stealing diapers and cigarettes at the local Quickie Mart and your Franchise is taking a PR hit all over the sports stations (your friends and family are bustin your balls about this chick)

6. Work ethic:

This has to be the number one trait every franchise is looking for in a player. Mike uses this term for players who show true dedication, desire and passion for the game/relationship.These are players that are highly motivated, pro-active and take the initiative into their own hands. This type of (player/person) are very focused on making good decisions for the franchise and are as solid as a rock when times get tough. They are not looking for the next hot club or drinking all night at bars their focus is for nothing less than a trip to the super bowl /wedding they like to work out stay in shape all year long. They cook, clean and do all the little things to keep the franchise ranting and raving (GM and the Head Coach are high fiving each other, the Owner is smiling and life is good) This player is constantly doing the right things (has at least one United Way Charity commercial) and are seen as a perfect example of a true professional around the community as well as envied by other Franchises(your friends) out there.

For example: Damn, your girl has a great work ethic. She cooks, she cleans your boxers with her bare hands and she keeps the hot cheets and cold IBC coming! Damn.
Answer: Yeah... and she is having a MVP type year. She must be looking for a long term deal.

Well those are a few of Mayockisms we like to use when talking about chicks. And you would be surprised how much it does help the communication process. Plus if you are in a crowded or public area it helps to hide your dialogue with a friend around other people, and saves you being over head asking: Do think that chick is hot? -Instead it metamorphisizes into: Is that a franchise pick right there? Answer: Yeah, seems to have all the measurables... A player like that would probably fit into any system. Reply: Nice.

- Well any questions please comment on the blog. We would love to hear what you think. And if you have any terms you may have heard from Mike or any terms that I missed feel free to share we would love to read them. And if you read these blogs tell your friends to visit and drop comments we would love to hear what they have to say. So remember folks, pick your players wisely- don’t sign a slut to a 30 year contract with 30 million up front guaranteed when you don’t know the bitch. Do what’s right, let her earn the big time franchise contract. And if the bitch is always on the (injured reserve/period/laziness) tell that bitch to blow you . And if she says NO she don’t want to take one for the team. Tell that bitch You are the franchise and your ass has just been cut. Peace.

Varganator

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