Mayockisms

Some of you might know who Mike Mayock is. Mayock is a former NFL player and a frequent analyst on the popular NFL network. And he is a legend in my book. I enjoy every word this guy says. Not only is he on top of his game on prediction of the NFL draft and his evaluation of rookies. (He is one of the few that totally calls the Raiders Mcfadden a character risk- hahaha, anyone who says that is a legend in my book) What I love most about this guy is that he not only teaches me about football, he is also preaching to me about life(Relationships). Yes, relationships.
Let me explain. Mike has tons of analogies for the game. Here are some Mayockisms we often use when it comes to describing relationships and women to each other.

1. The Franchise.

The franchise is you, yourself. You pick the players/person in your life and we are always looking for the bigger faster/sexiest sweetest) person we can find that fits our system/life. As the franchise, we are looking for either a long term player/person or a bunch of free agents/hoes/fluzzyz bitches/whores... you get the idea- That we can do the famous ritual the Four F’S to: find, feel, fuck and forget.

You are the franchise. You choose what you want in life. Steady and stable or up and down roller coaster. It’s your life. It’s your franchise.

2. Franchise Player.

Mike uses this term for a lock it up- tj huzurmomma. This is a top ten pick(player/person) for your franchise/yourself. In life most men and woman are looking for that franchise player, that person that will be perfect for you. The person that makes all the right plays(sex/good decisions). This is the person you build your franchise/self around. They are the person that is going to win the super bowl(marriage) for you. The person you picture yourself standing next to on that podium. Hoistin' up a superbowl trophy and trying on your new super bowl ring/wedding ring.

3. Upside

Upside means that a certain player/person has a lot of potential. But not at the present time. They are viewed as a future potential pro-bowler. They may either be overweight or nerdy or just has a small flaw that is holding them up from being a franchise player. I would say a player/person who has upside could flip flop either way. You could end up with a Tom Brady on your hands and be a for-sure hall of famer. Or a total Ryan Leaf bust on your hands. It could go either way and it could be very messy. Especially if the person/player never lives up to the full potential and you have a lot of time and money invested in this individual. Choose wisely.

For example: Hey, that chick you are dating, isn’t she a little bit chubby? Answer: Yes, but I have her on the Varganator weight training program. She has a lot of upside if she loses weight, she will go from a zero to a hero. (Based on a True Story)

4. High motor guy.

Mike uses this term for a player/person that is in excellent condition and also has the ability to make the big play/sex) every single time they are in the game/relationship. They may not be the best player on the field but you know they are bringing 110% (She's the one that has that smoken hot body but maybe she has a hook nose, and a couple of snaggle teeth and a lazy eye). We use it as a term for players/person that is excellent in the sack a player/person that always wants sex and always knows how to rock your socks but just doesn't have that natural talent (looks) to be a hall of fame player. A high motor player/person can go a couple extra rounds though and is a person who can take you deep into overtime. They are the players/person that love going the extra mile. While most players are burned out by half time, your player/person is the energizer bunny. Every franchise she have a high motor player/person.

5. Off the Field/Character issues:

Mike uses this term for a player/person who has issues unrelated to the sports that could effect the franchise(you). These actions are related to family issues, kid issues, bad behavior, drugs and Alcohol. Anything that has to do with lack of focus and actions that cause the Franchise/you problems. Of course any person that has these issues are always a high risk for your Franchise. And of course no one wants to deal with these problems especially when there are so many free agents/singles and new rookies coming out every year into the market/world .

For example: Wow, your girl has 6 kids, and the babies daddy is getting out of jail next week? Looks like she has a lot of off the field issues. I know you met her at the Loose Moose and she had a nice college career playing JuCo ball but there is no way she is gonna make the 53 man roster. But hey if you want to put her on your developmental/practice squad thats your decision. Just don't say I didn't warn you when she is on the news busted for stealing diapers and cigarettes at the local Quickie Mart and your Franchise is taking a PR hit all over the sports stations (your friends and family are bustin your balls about this chick)

6. Work ethic:

This has to be the number one trait every franchise is looking for in a player. Mike uses this term for players who show true dedication, desire and passion for the game/relationship.These are players that are highly motivated, pro-active and take the initiative into their own hands. This type of (player/person) are very focused on making good decisions for the franchise and are as solid as a rock when times get tough. They are not looking for the next hot club or drinking all night at bars their focus is for nothing less than a trip to the super bowl /wedding they like to work out stay in shape all year long. They cook, clean and do all the little things to keep the franchise ranting and raving (GM and the Head Coach are high fiving each other, the Owner is smiling and life is good) This player is constantly doing the right things (has at least one United Way Charity commercial) and are seen as a perfect example of a true professional around the community as well as envied by other Franchises(your friends) out there.

For example: Damn, your girl has a great work ethic. She cooks, she cleans your boxers with her bare hands and she keeps the hot cheets and cold IBC coming! Damn.
Answer: Yeah... and she is having a MVP type year. She must be looking for a long term deal.

Well those are a few of Mayockisms we like to use when talking about chicks. And you would be surprised how much it does help the communication process. Plus if you are in a crowded or public area it helps to hide your dialogue with a friend around other people, and saves you being over head asking: Do think that chick is hot? -Instead it metamorphisizes into: Is that a franchise pick right there? Answer: Yeah, seems to have all the measurables... A player like that would probably fit into any system. Reply: Nice.

- Well any questions please comment on the blog. We would love to hear what you think. And if you have any terms you may have heard from Mike or any terms that I missed feel free to share we would love to read them. And if you read these blogs tell your friends to visit and drop comments we would love to hear what they have to say. So remember folks, pick your players wisely- don’t sign a slut to a 30 year contract with 30 million up front guaranteed when you don’t know the bitch. Do what’s right, let her earn the big time franchise contract. And if the bitch is always on the (injured reserve/period/laziness) tell that bitch to blow you . And if she says NO she don’t want to take one for the team. Tell that bitch You are the franchise and your ass has just been cut. Peace.

Varganator